why

photo-of-hands-and-feet-in-shape-of-a-heart

why is a question i ask alot. why am in this boat? why is my body not working correctly? why is this happening? why is God not listening to my prayers? why do i have to be dealing with this? why, why why. i could go on forever and it petrifies me that i very well have to. trying to get pregnant started innocently enough –  occasional sex with my husband where we didn’t immediately concern ourselves with anything other than our love for one another. when nothing happened, being the anal type a person that i am, i started to get concerned. my husband, who will be referred to as mr. from now on, quickly told me to calm down (a theme of our marriage/relationship- me freaking out, him telling me to relax). i listened but the small voice in the back of my head continued to bother me, periodically reminding me that my empty womb was not normal, considering all the unprotected fun we had been having. a year of haphazard love-making and nothing to show for it, i ventured to my gyno for a meeting, where i was told i was fine. i spent money and time on ovulation kits, fertility monitors, pre-seed, pre-natal vitamins, etc. and it seemed it was all for nothing. i decided that i could not keep ignoring that voice; the voice that had been telling me from the beginning that something was not right. unfortunately, the bitch was telling the truth.

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